10/13/2003 2:05:04 PM - Gilean
I know some of you must of read Mad or cracked magazines in the past (your playing M59 aren't you?). We at Gilean Gallery will do anything to get sales for our silly publication. As such we give you …"A MADman's view of products available online…"
(NOTE: the non-italicized writing is the actual product discretion)
ERS220APRGKIT AIBO Programming Package
ERS220APRGKIT
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Interested in an all-in-one package for getting involved with robot programming? The AIBO* Programming Package includes a high-speed ERS-220A, AIBO Wireless LAN Card, and 16MB Programming
16 MB Memory Stick is included FREE!
$ 1,448.00
This is definitely a lovely gift to give your kids. Teach them the responsibility of having a pet, without actually owning a living breathing one! Make sure you don't give it water though. A steal at only $1448.00. Think of all the money you'll save on dog food, neutering, vet visits etc! (don't think about the fact that it's a waste of 1.5 grand. AND! We made the numbers not end in 99 so we can psychologically fool you into believing it's a low price, similar to what Wal-Mart does! (*AIBO =Agonizing Intense Burning Obviously which is what will happen if you keep this product on for more than 2 min every week)
JUMBO FART SPRAY
Family sized.
Price: $12.95
ID-Code:frtspry
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Don't be caught with your pants down!
Get a can for your car, your purse, your office, and your home.
Now who is the dumb clod that would actually go out and buy this? As if whoopee cushions weren't bad enough, you can now place one in the seat AND spray the can at the same time! Fun for the whole family! (Notice it actually says "family size" on the real description!) Now grandpa does not need to keep farting all day long to keep that unique smell of his quaint little home! AND no more wasted cash on buying all those beans, prunes and eggs that you normally eat to produce a natural fart!
These bills are a great gift not only as a novelty but also as a way to show of your love for the U.S.!!! They are new and crisp. They look, feel, and even SMELL like real money!
Product Code:WeNeed0il
Price: $24.99 billion
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We also have some that smell like farts, and others that have the pictures of Osama Bin Laden, Afghanistan and Iraq. These are to signify the $87 billion more that US president is asking for to fund his little war in those countries. Not to mention the $79 billion he has already spent over there. $166 billion is $568 for every man, woman and child in the United States. It's $3,269 for every person in Iraq and Afghanistan. We'll sell you one of them for a measly $24.99 billion! (We do not want to be confused with that other store that other store which uses reverse-psychology in not using '99s')
Have endless fun with these Fake Lottery Tickets! Every card is a winner of at least $10,000. Give out to friends for birthdays, Christmas, Easter, the possibilities are endless! See the priceless look on their face once they see that they have just won $10,000!
Product code:Jail4Life
Price: $9,000.99
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Are you having a hard time thinking of a good rip off gig? Are you a scammer down on your luck? A con artist who's almost ready to quit the game because of lousy ideas or to long jail sentences? Not to mention the unfortunate incident with your huge cell mate Bubba? Well we'll help you fleece all those old folks! Yes, just show them these fake winning tickets and have them pay a "transaction fee" to claim their prizes!
Magnetic Front Pocket Wallet
Product Code:MadeInChina
Price: $45.00
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This slim Nappa leather front pocket wallet comes in an authentic Fossil tin.
Features a magnetic money clip, a convenient side pocket for change, and three credit card slides. Wallet includes a protective layer so that the magnet will not de-magnetize credit cards. See the back with clip. Black.
Who in their right mind would pay $45 for a cheesy ole no brand name wallet? And why the hell would they want to have it magnetic? At that price gold plated I can understand, but magnetic? What, we'll buy it so now we can stick our wallets to the fridge? Now our significant other/kids/friends/visiting relatives and house burglars won't have all the inconvenience of finding us to personally fleece us! But hey, if you want it go ahead and buy it. I wont try and stop you. In fact, whats your address and can i come over?.
This is a brand new item - never used. It comes in a handy storage bag that is easy to store, hang and carry. This is a DARTH MAUL costume for children, size 5-7.
Product code: LaughAtMe
Price $44.95 with fart spray included, $1.00 without. (Yes we realize that if you buy them separately it'll be less that half the price, but as I said if your dumb enough to buy this product you'd never figure that out!)
Seller: Cannon Foddor
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Now you can be known WORLDWIDE!!!! Become the next "Star Wars Kid!" This handy kit comes with it's very own can of fart spray! Yes we know no one can smell over the Internet, but we assume that if you buy this cheesy product you are dumb enough not to think about that! (not to mention if you read this product review, you have been, or are currently play M59, which is proof in itself) Besides, we have to try and get rid of all that extra stock of fart spray that no one in his or her right mind would buy!
Gold Plated Coupler $4.99
Brand: RadioShack
Catalog #: 274-886
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(Pricing and Availability may vary outside the contiguous 48 United States.)
For those of you who are really lonely, adventurous and curious. Also keep in mind that this product was the actual, genuine, one and only Rod used in the "inanimate carbon rod" episode of the Simpsons! Only 2597 of them left so hurry while supplies last! Dennis RODman and RODney King were actually named after this ROD!
Hot Lips Phone
Price: $39.99
Brand: RadioShack
Catalog #: 940-1712
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(Pricing and Availability may vary outside the contiguous 48 United States.)
If you bought the above item, you might want to consider this as well. Pretend it is the lips of "that special someone" you admire (albeit from afar because she finds you repulsive!) You can actually have your lips to hers while you making all those harassing phone calls to her 'at all hours of the night!'